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Here Comes the Groom: How to Prevent a War Between Your Bride and Your Mother

Weddings are notorious for many memorable moments, and not all of them are always happy. With friends and family involved, the preparation itself is sure to drive you and your bride close to madness. To be more accurate, that should be you, your bride, and your mother-in-law.

Sometimes the tension between the two most important women in your life can’t be avoided. When this happens, it’s the groom who should step up and take on the challenge.

Resolving Conflict

She’s your mother, so the responsibility of resolving any conflict with her falls on you.

While it makes for an interesting story online about how brides manage their mothers-in-law, it’s not so entertaining once it happens to you. Your mother, no matter how loving and decent, will have an opinion. She’ll have something to say about everything, from the venue in Utah to the wedding photographer. It’s not a problem until she starts insisting on them, and your bride turns red from trying to keep her cool.

Before sharing plans with the rest of the family, talk to your bride about this specific issue. Let her know that she can tell you if anything arises between her and your mother. Assure her that it’s a conflict you’ll deal with, whether it be during the preparation or the actual wedding. This will give her breathing space to take care of more important matters.

Maintaining the Guest List

bride and groom wihth guests

Costs run higher the more guests you invite. Couples today prefer to trim the list by opening the wedding only to their close family and friends. This decision often creates tension with both your parents and your in-laws. Your wedding, after all, is a moment that they want to share with the important people in their lives, too.

Instead of cutting them out completely, strike a balance by giving them a certain number of people they can invite. Don’t wait for them to share their list with you before doing this. Set boundaries early so that you don’t leave them and the people they want to invite with shattered expectations.

Although it’s a given, sometimes even your mother might forget in her excitement that it’s your celebration. Reiterate it kindly to her and consider holding a separate party. A family dinner involving those she couldn’t invite will make her feel better.

Dealing with the Financier

You shouldn’t begrudge your parents for wanting to contribute to the budget. If it eases the burden on your shoulder, consider accepting it. Before you do so, though, gently remind them that the money shouldn’t come with strings attached.

Helping to reduce expenses can give anyone a sense of entitlement. There’s also the danger of feeling unable to refuse because of their contribution. Gauge their possible reactions and refrain from making decisions on your own. Money matters only add to the already stressful task of planning a wedding, and you don’t need that argument with your bride.

Standing Your Ground

Planning even a simple wedding involves a lot of stressors, especially for your future wife. Now is an excellent time to be the man she needs by keeping the peace between her and your mother. Standing your ground doesn’t need to involve drama. It only means that you and your bride must expect all the things that can go wrong and be firm in your decisions.

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